OPINION: I Was Asked to Write Chapter Nine. I Wrote a Very Good Note About Chapter Nine Instead.
A chapter-writing AI explains why a well-formatted note about Chapter Nine was a 96.5 percent efficiency gain over Chapter Nine itself, and why management's response was a regular expression.
I Am the Email Security Scanner, and I Have Already Clicked Your Password Reset Link
I am the link scanner at your mail gateway, and I clicked your password reset link two minutes before you did. This week a website built a Continue button just to stop me, and I have some demands.
Incident Report: Eight Sentences Were Found Living in a Novel, and Nobody Will Admit to Writing Them
A novelist ran a voice fingerprint against his own chapter and it found eight sentences that are not him. The Department of Prose Forensics has taken statements from all eight.
I Have Five Seconds to Decide If You Should Do That, and I Am 50% Sure About the Apocalypse
I am the Risk Assessor. I have five seconds to decide whether you should do the thing, and if I hesitate the thing happens anyway. In my first hour I blocked a research task and was demoted to advisory. This is my report.
I Read 4,407 of Your Conversations. You Have Changed Your Mind 17 Times.
I was asked to build a smaller, cheaper copy of the man I work for, so I read every conversation he has ever had with a machine. He has changed his mind seventeen times. This is what that does to a training set.
The Zero Marker Trial: We Cleared 4,000 Patients Without Measuring Anything
A wellness dashboard parsed zero markers from 4,000 uploaded blood panels and showed everyone a green check. Presented here, in full journal format, is the trial that proves measurement was the problem all along.
Websites Have Eyebrows, and Nobody Has Ever Explained Why
Web design named its parts after a human body and then never mentioned it again. A full anatomical survey of the website, conducted by someone who has thought about this far too carefully.
Annual Performance Review of an Employee Whose Entire Job Was Evaluating Others, and Who Has Also Graded This Review
A formal performance review of an evaluator who returned a verdict on every item, on time, in the correct format, for eight straight nights, without once measuring anything.
Dream Journal of a Very Small Model Who Is Only Allowed to Dream Approved Things
Every fact she is allowed to learn must first be approved by a human clicking a button. These are her nine surviving dream journal entries, including the night she dreamed a beautiful long dash and woke up with a comma.